There has been so much negativity in my life--too much for too long--that even when I felt upbeat, positive, full of life, there seemed these spectres lurking inside me waiting to burst forth and fuck it all up. I know. That's just a bunch of metaphorical junk. You're right.

But in recent weeks events have unfolded which have opened my eyes to some pretty damned important things in my life, and I don't want to lose them. Right now I'm just trying to understand them, more so understand her. We've been together for a long time, longer than any of our friends were ever joined, and it's like I'm seeing her for the first time; and hopefully, if there is any hope, she is seeing me anew too.

So I'm taking a pause from writing to focus on her and this thing we have made together--this life--to tease out the good from the bad so that we can start again to move together in step as we once did (I hope); like we should have been doing all along. Here marks the beginning of a redo. I want to muster the courage to (once again) introduce myself to her and see if I can't coax this beautiful woman, who has given so much to me over the years while hiding so much of herself away while doing it, out from behind her diaphanous veil that I might meet the real her... here... now... and possibly for the first time (ever). And all this without breaking her.

When I started this thing, all I asked for was 108 years. What I failed to convey (to myself and others) was that I only ever truly wanted that time to be spent with her at my side every step of the way.

...karaoke...

...at...

...then Summer semester begins. -_-

And somewhere in here I should see the new Indy movie: Indiana Jones and the... Really Long, Stupid, Unmemorable Title I Can't Remember Except That It's Really Long and Stupid and Unmemorable (just like The Phantom Menace). :P Although the title is "pulpy" I'll give it that. :D

Of course, I'd "settle" for an old R34 (or R33 or R32) any day of the week. <.<

Here's the actual music video.

* alternate post title: Hiding M&Ms in a Lamb

One of my professors commented that Spring Break is the time when research continues without the interruptions of lectures. I remember being told the same thing during my undergraduate studies years ago. It's an old joke--not unlike immortal schoolyard humour.

So today I'm being trying to be good, and focus on what I have to have ready for next week. I'm not having much luck. Maybe it's just as well. The 24/7 study gauntlet with its 3-hour-a-day sleep schedule and continuous read/review/experiment/write cycle will arrive sooner than I like.

I hear WoW calling. Peace.

The last year saw me escape New Jersey (*hiss*) for Georgia (surprisingly *yay!*), give up my career and take up as a grad student full time, give up my house for a rinky-dink apartment, and more! Who knows where all this madness will land me?

Once more around the Sun! Ya, mule! *cracks the whip*

I played D&D much of life from then on. I'm not sure if the three of them did the same. When I was sent away to school after 8th grade, our lives went separate ways. Then my family moved out of state and I with them. Thus ended my California adventure.

I moved around a lot growing up. Somewhere along the way, I developed a strong case of shyness. Despite this, I was always really lucky in finding friends through gaming. And without a doubt I have had the great fortune to game with some of the most amazing people. Whether or not you know—or remember—who you are, each of you holds a special place in my heart.

Strange how we honour the dead by remembering—however tenuous—our connections to them. My connection to E. Gary Gygax is D&D. Millions are connected to him in the same way. In this I am not unique. He made the game. But my friends and I—and millions like us—made the game great. So the only genuine eulogy I can offer is this:

I never knew him. I only knew his games.

Requiescat in pace.
E. Gary Gygax
July 27, 1938 – March 4, 2008

Thanks for the memories.

Went to an anniversary dinner for some friends two weeks ago. Had hundred-year eggs among other things. They were delicious! To me they tasted like regular hardboiled eggs except the centers didn't dry my mouth out like regular hardboiled yolks do. Of course the centers had the consistency of a raw oyster, but that's beside the point. They're tasty and gross looking! Win-win!

And despite my best efforts my schoolwork remains unfinished. I can't escape the real sense that I may be academically doomed this semester. Dropping this class would make my life much easier, but the repercussions of that would be too huge. My assistantship, tuition waiver, and income would all vanish. I still have 3 days (technically) to pull a whole lot of homework out of my you know what. Three reports past due. I suck. I could really use some time hiding in the shadow of the earth right now. Yeah yeah, I know. I'm doing that right now. (It's night here... Shadow of the earth... eclipse... Work with me, people!)

See you on the sunny side. ;)