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May 15, 2006
Just Keep Driving
I love driving in the rain. I love the grey hue that storm clouds cast over the world. Bright reds, yellows, and blues glow in this light. The rest fade away.
.
Work has been a madhouse these past few weeks, an ugly madhouse, and has left little time for writing. Yet despite this, things keep happening.
..
My father's surgery went well. The doctors reported that the cancer had remained contained, was easily identifiable, and easily removed. This is good news indeed and cause for greater celebration when he turns sixty-seven later this week.
...
If love is a battlefield, then this spring is proving a bloody season. (Once again) all around me relationships are disintegrating. I cannot comprehend how people can convince themselves of the worst in the people they once loved. Intellectually I understand the need to distance oneself emotionally from a former lover in order to move on, but to vilify them such that they would seem a monster to those who do not know them is just sinful. It is the result of some underlying guilt that the vilifier harbours within themselves when they make the split, I think. To feel better about themselves they channel their own guilt and remorse for whatever truth they hide into their feelings for their former lover until all that remains in their own mind is an image of a beast with whom they were trapped for so long and from whom they are finally liberated; their act of abandonment becoming a guilt-free escape. It's bullshit and a lie, and unless they are honest with themselves and with everyone involved (including those they chose to involve) in the alibi of their breakup, whatever relationships they move onto in the future will be tainted by the lies they told themselves when ending their previous one. Strangely, all the trauma from witnessing this rash of emotional devastation has seemed to strengthen my own relationship. Perhaps it is easier to have clarity when the contrast between ones own happiness and others misery is so stark.
....
'Tis also the season of home improvement. I have officially signed away my good name, and possibly my future, on a "home improvement" loan so that we might wrap our house in vinyl. Sadly this is not as titillating as it sounds. Vinyl clothing is kinky. Vinyl siding is not. Soon we shall bid adieu to Mr. Mustard Yellow, and welcome in Ms. Mossy Green. I hope this effort doesn't result in just another shade of blah.
.....
It was Mother's Day yesterday here in the USA. I didn't manage to call, but I sent a card. It's a funny eCard offering literally one million thanks to my mom for everything.
A lousy eCard? That's all you sent?
Yeah, I suck.
We did build planter boxes for our garden at home though. Okay, we built them last weekend, and only got one partly installed, and that was on Saturday not Sunday, but that has to count for something! Right? Maybe? No?
*sighs*
Well at least the rain still likes me. :P
It was magnificent as I drove into work this morning. It didn't care that I suck, that love stinks, that work is insane, or that vinyl siding isn't remotely kinky. It just came pouring down, washing over everything; scrubbing away the grime that clings to everything; everything including me -- freeing me briefly of all the meaningless junk I let weigh on me.
I love driving in the rain. I love the grey hue that storm clouds cast over the world. Bright reds, yellows, and blues glow in this light. The rest fade away...
Sometimes I wish could just drive forever.
Posted by Tacitus at May 15, 2006 08:04 PM