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February 01, 2006
A Cock and Bull (Er, Cock and Dog?) Tale
Back in Virginia, around the New Year, I'd always somehow found myself wandering through my old haunts and briefly reconnecting with people I had not seen in what seemed like forever. Hobby shops, game stores, shopping malls, and the roads that connect them; in all these places I would coincidentally -- and quite luckily -- collide with old friends and acquaintances who actually remembered me and had a few minutes to talk. We'd re-sync our personal histories talking about people we had in common yet barely remembered.
"Him? Oh yeah he moved to..."
"Oh she's doing well... remarried."
"Cool."
"Remember...?"
"Yeah, how're they..."
"Suicide."
"Damn."
"Yeah."
The conversations are brief; Life as Cliff's Notes. Then we run out of things to talk about and the silence sets in, and it's time to move on.
"Take care."
"You too."
*shake hands, wave, or hug goodbye*
New Jersey is lonely for me. I have none of these places, and none of these people to revisit or run into in casual chance encounters. My best friends have come and gone; separated by time, distance, and divergent interests and circumstances. I long to touch them. Breath air with them. Laugh and talk with them. Hold them when they cry. Share silence with them. Here there is only me, my love, and our children. But I need more than that, more than just them. I miss you all.
The irony is that I am terrible at keeping in touch. I do not call. I've always felt awkward about phones. *shrugs* And letter writing is right out. (There's a pun in there yes?) My penmanship has deteriorated to the point of hypocrisy, in that I dare to lecture my son on his crappy penmanship -- fucking school systems don't teach kids how to write their letters and numbers anymore it seems, and now he's locked into his own messed up way of writing. (And don't give me any of that "parents' responsibility" crap. I get them to school, and you teach them! I do everything else: feed, clothe, shelter, protect, tutor, transport, support, guide, reprimand, reward, and more. The least you can do is teach him how to write his numbers and letters correctly! Sixty-two symbols; how hard can it be?) -- Sorry for the digression. Where was I? -- Email. Email has met with limited success; however, I often take so long to craft my words that I run out of time and end up relegating unfinished letters to the "Drafts" bin condemning them never to be completed. IM has replaced -- even preserved -- my ability to remain in contact with some (but not all) of my friends. But IM precludes chance encounters; no running into people I have not seen in years. And screen names are anonymous and sterile even when you know the person on the other side. Faces are infinitely richer and complex and memorable and valuable.
But we're here now right? Our chance encounter. So here goes:
"So how's it going?
"We're good. Playing lots of WoW. It's our life for the time being I suppose. Is that sad? In a word: yes.
"Boy Wonder has adjusted well enough. No more martial arts or fencing. He's currently studying the standup bass (neat eh?), and he's pretty good too. Just had his eyes examined recently, and will be getting glasses. Genetics. He's actually pretty excited about it. The detachable sunglasses may have played a factor in his acceptance. My thinking is that if you're going to be condemned to wearing glasses for the rest of your life, you might as well like the way you look wearing them.
"Girl Wonder is starting daycare soon. Has discovered the worldwide web, and is learning basic mouse and keyboarding. We recently switched their bedrooms and she's loving the smaller space. It's something more her size--cozier. And it gives her brother more room to be a packrat.
"The job will most likely be here for a few more years. Then it moves to Maryland. I don't know yet if I'll stick with it that long, or try and find something else. There are advantages and disadvantages to both choices. I'm still searching for a career in which I'd be happy, and am presently trying to figure out how to transition into full-time game design. eLearning/simulation and straight-up gaming are closely related, but for me there is this tiny disconnect. It's like we're just a puzzle piece apart. Only time will tell if I bridge this gap. I've decided that I'd much prefer to have a hand in something that brings people pleasure than whatever it is people feel now when they use the software I design."
So 2005 went like this:
Got a W2-paying job; moved to NJ; lived out of a hotel for two months; moved family to NJ into a neighborhood with allegedly great schools (though my son is doing worse now than he was back in VA); almost got fired from my job by a manager I had never met because writing object code quite frankly frightens managers whose understanding of multimedia programming is limited to a 'next button' on a PowerPoint slide; persevered, even triumphed, despite this "setback" and am now a star player on my development team; have no friends here outside of friendly acquaintances at work; spouse's new friends are all online; son's friends here seem fair-weathered companions at best and moronic bullies at worst; and daughter has begun developing imaginary friends.
All in all our madness is near complete, and something has to give before we do. In this way, the Year of the Cock sucked. *smirk* May the Year of the Dog treat us better.
Posted by Tacitus at February 1, 2006 03:36 PM