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October 27, 2005

My Own Private... Darwin Award [Nerf-Style]

After some heavy lobbying on my son's part, we recently permitted him to purchase a gun: a spanking new Nerf N-Strike Nite Finder EX3. (Relax fools! It's a toy! :P) Sporting a brilliant blue frame and bright yellow grips this single shot, single action pistol is chambered for 3 in. Micro Dart ammunition, and comes standard with an integrated laser* sight!

So, young Rambo is all hot to get home and break out his new piece, when he gets a "safety" lecture from yours truly. Admittedly this is no BB rifle. He has one of those, but it lives at his grandparents' house back in Virginia. His pawpaw gave it to him for Christmas two years ago -- a little too early imho. He still can't squeeze the trigger on that thing. It has a trigger-pull of somewhere in the 40-pound range. (I exaggerate for effect.)

Anyways... safety lecture: You can shoot your friends and they can shoot you, but do not shoot your sister, your mother or me. No shooting in the family room [as that doubles as my office] or the kitchen.

Seems simple enough right? Well...

The laser sight on this thing is activated by a half squeeze of the trigger. Half squeeze: laser targeting; full squeeze...

*FWOP*

...foam micro dart death!

So, ground rules laid, I free the toy from its' robustly zip-tied packaging and hand it over. He disappears with it. A short time later it happens...

*FWOP*

"Ow!"

Moments later brainiac comes strolling into the family room rubbing his forehead.

"What happened?" I ask.

"I was looking at the laser and the gun shot me in the head," he replies.

[I wonder how many idiots have used that excuse before the gates of the afterlife.]

"You mean you were staring at the laser light and the gun went off?"

"Yeah."

"So you were staring at the laser light, half squeezing the trigger of a loaded gun and you shot yourself in the head?"

"Yeah."

[QUE: Safety Lecture (Part 2)]

"Ok... Remember when I told you not to shoot your sister, or your mother, or me? Include yourself on that list too. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Idjit."

"Well, it's not like it's a real [gun]. I wouldn't have done it if it was real."

"You'd be dead now if it had been."

*blink*

"Just keep it unloaded until you're ready to shoot something with it. That way you won't accidentally blow your Nerf brains out. And always treat any gun -- even a toy -- like it is loaded. Unless you choke on one of the darts, that toy probably can't kill you, but if you're not careful you could still hurt yourself or someone else. Got it?"

"Got it."

"Good."

Hopefully that didn't go in one ear and out the other. Hopefully he'll remember that a toy gun is still on some level a gun, and is in that sense not always a toy. As with anything, we can hurt ourselves or someone else if we're not careful. Wrapping things in soft foam -- physically or metaphorically -- can greatly reduce the risks of injury, but doesn't mean that we can throw all caution to the wind. Always act responsibly even when the safety is on. We should never discount life lessons learned when we happen upon them, and we should be especially thankful when they cross our paths wrapped in a protective blanket of Nerf.

* Nerf Laser = a low power, red LED flashlight.

Posted by Tacitus at October 27, 2005 05:46 PM

Comments

Posted by: Rob at November 10, 2005 10:13 AM